Summoned by conscious recollection, she will be smiling. They could be in a kitchen talking, before or after dinner. But they are in this other room, stillness felt except for the rising and falling of her chest. Embracing he holds her tightly. She buries her face into his body. Morning, maybe it's evening, light flows through the room. Outside the day is slowly succeeded by night, succeeded by day. The light in the room does not change. So they rub against each other, their mouths dry, then wet, then dry. They feel themselves at the center of a powerful and baffled will. They feel they are an almost animal, washed up on the shore of a world, or huddled against the gate of a garden, to which they admit they cannot be admitted.

dopamine in my coffee

I wonder, what goes on when we stop observing? Why is there so much of the world we don't see? What's behind the closed door, even though I've seen it a million times? Why do we only see the visible spectrum? And why is there dopamine in my coffee?

when I rise from my chair

You are there
beyond what is mentioned
when I rise from my chair
And predicting the future
always ends in futilities
I could walk with you
through all these words
that are foreign
but I would find
I was burning
in unutterable possibilities

Anticipation you cannot see
in my stride
when I move vaguely along
Plainly oblivious
to all the grass growing
under my feet
You see me
breathing slowly and
wonder how soon
I will fly into phrases
more pleasing than tasting
honey is sweet

A temporary distance
runs in a curve
beyond what is mentioned
Your eyes seize
the fire from
half-truths you can hear
Present moment is held
in nameless rooms
hid in the dark
Where you try
to read notes
I penned for you there

I move vaguely along
to plant footsteps
that lead to my heart
Creating a path
to free your own
from this distance
I am not oblivious
to the grasses
growing under my feet
When I rise from my chair
it's because,
I am anticipating
no change
in our existence

My life stopped making sense long before I stopped trying to make sense of it. Seems so pathetic now to attempt to decipher who I am, but every so often I try it, just in case.

Fight Club

"Why not switch,
Ditch all that doesn't matter?
Why are we holding onto
All this stuff?"

<333 this movie

I hate myself.

And I think everything would be so much

better

easier

happier

without me.

And then I hate myself more.

!

I'm confused for no reason.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
It's just out of reach in my mind.
It's raining.
But it's not adding up.
Unclear.
Feel like I'm losing my mind.