Fun- SNL

I was watching the SNL I recorded last night featuring Louis C. K. and Fun. I kinda wasn't paying attention, but this performance made me drop everything that I was doing and drew me in. Just the powerful performance and such sincere passion coupled with incredibly inspiring lyrics... blew me away. I've listened to the song many times but have a whole new appreciation for it now. Those lyrics we're exactly what I needed to hear, at exactly that time. It was one of those how-to-breathe moments.

Anyway, if you're interested/needing some inspiration, here's the video of the performance.
I also included the lyrics... because they're the shit (parts in bold = my life).




"Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style

And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I?

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know...

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of God for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on
Oh, come on. Oh, come on, OH COME ON!

Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...
Some terrible lies...ahhh...

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh..."

Sipping on Spirits, Tastes like Forget

Sit down to this bottle,
commence with civil sips.
Tastes like forget.
Responsible
gulps and refills,
it's not enough
and the wine
turns to beer
turns to shots,
sipping on spirits.
I'd be alright
if I could sleep in a different body
for the night.
Tonight it tastes like forget.
Tomorrow, regret.

nauseous

I’m sick of missing you. I’m sick of being lonely, I’m even more sick of being let down. I’m sick of being put last, I’m sick of hollow promises, I’m sick of waiting around. I’m sick of this, sick of being so miserable.  Most of all, I’m sick that none of this makes you sick. I’m sick of  my mind's consumption with you with when you spend all your time consumed with anyone, anywhere, anything else. I feel fed-up. I feel hurt. I feel angry. I feel sick.

Filled

This is why it hurts the way it hurts. I have too many words in my head; there are too many ways to describe the way I feel. I will never have the luxury of a dull ache. I will always suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much.

like unwanted notes
or failed poems
she has been shredded
bone-white confetti
scattered to the wind
papyrus leaves
an unwanted Autumn
no more scribbles for her pages
just drying, forgotten inkwells
no tape or glue to repair her
she will remain
    ripped
           ripped
                  ripped 

Flitting Eyes

Leading up to
the unwrapping:
an advent of courting,
kisses courteous,
not so ravenous,
flirtatious giggles
and flitting eyes meeting
a switch flicking.

All the magic
of first times...
We may be wounded,
we may be ready.
We maybe kinda shouldn't be
pushing back covers
or shirts over shoulders,
the clothes over bones
in drunk alleys or homes.

my problem

me