Sunday, February 22nd

I say to myself, "Self, why are you awake again?". It's 3 a.m. and I'm standing with the fridge wide open, staring. Such a sight, florescent light. The stars are bright, I might make a wish if I believed in that shit but as it is, I might watch TV because it's nice to see people more messed up then me.

Lessons

I learned a lot today. We can lose ourselves in romantic attachment, but the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. As long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable no matter where or to whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation. Hardships make us strong. Problems give birth to wisdom. Sorrows cultivate compassion. Those who have suffered the most will become the happiest. No one can better bask in summer's balm than those who have endured winter's bite. The course of our lives is determined by how we react-what we decide and what we do-at the darkest of times. The nature of that response determines a person's true worth and greatness.

Whether in life or in a specific undertaking, there will undoubtedly be times when you achieve genuine progress, only to come up against a wall or feel yourself regressing. There will be times when you just need to stop and rest. Such are the vicissitudes inherent to any struggle. When you challenge to achieve something, be ready to face the unexpected. For example, your exboyfriend whom you so unquestionably cared for feeling the need to inform you on his proficiency in picking up 'pussy'. One thing is certain: That is that the power of belief, the power of thought, will move reality in the direction of what we believe and conceive of it. If you really believe you can do something, you can. That is a fact. And I am so proud of myself for being the bigger person today. I recommend everyone to do so, the feeling you get is amazing.

Don't word-word-word read, but rather absorb and consider this. Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet no matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us. Even places that have been shrouded in darkness for billions of years can be illuminated. Even a stone from the bottom of a river can be used to produce fire. Our present sufferings, no matter how dark, have certainly not continued for billions of years-nor will they linger forever. The sun will definitely rise. In fact, its ascent has already begun.

Some Food for Thought

I am obssessed with the book I'm reading, Dante's Inferno. It brought up a very interesting point...There are good people and bad people, no gray areas, no inbetween.

"These wretches never born and never dead
ran naked in a swarm of wasps and hornets
that goaded them the more they fled,

and made their faces stream with bloody gouts
of pus and tears that dribble to their feet
to be swallowed there by loathsome worms and maggots."

They took no side, therefore they were given no place.They pursued the ever-shifting illusion of their own advantage, so they pursue an ever-shifting banter. As their sin was a darkness, so they move in the dark. As their own guilty conscience pursued them, so they are pursued by wasps and hornets. And as their actions were a moral filth, so they run through the filth of worms and maggots on which they themselves feed.

A lot for your brain to chew on, no?

Today...

... was a beautiful day.

Mmm

This morning, I woke up to a text saying "You were on my mind... I just wanted to say goodnight :)". It really made my entire day.

Puritans

The Puritan's idea of hell is a place where everybody has to mind his or her own business. People's absorbtion in drama amazes me. And most likely those who agree, are the more mature people who aren't fixated on he said she said. If I went and attacked each person over hearsay, I would look like an idiot. Again, this is highschool. Rumors are going to be spread about you by people that have nothing better to do with their life... Accept that and move on! Don't jump the gun. Trying to squash a rumor is equivalent to trying to unring a bell. For the record, I would never make up something about a person... I know how shitty that feels. Also, if something is done with, be done with it! Do not go out and make someone else's life and problems and drama your business, because it's not. You have nothing to do with it. Serious misfortunes, originating in misrepresentation, frequently flow and spread before they can be dissipated by truth. "A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as it runs".

The biggest liar in the world is They Say. Perhaps people don't understand that the easiest way of keeping a secret is without help. Never repeat anything you won't sign your name to and understand that whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. If someone was condemned to confine his or her activity to their own affairs, they would be robbed of one half of their existence. I honestly feel that if someone in high school had to stay home for one night, they would start spreading rumors to their dog. What has society come to, haha.

And now, once I'm done writing, I feel so much regret to even waste my time writing about something that shouldn't need explaining!

Wonderful

Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. That goes for everyone. We're in high school. You are always going to be put in situations that you don't like. Shit is always going to happen to you. There are bitchy people out there that can't wait to take out their drama on the closest person. You just have to deal with it. Rather than throwing your hands up in the air or pointing your finger in someone's face, be mature. The more calm you stay, the more frustrated the other person gets. Don't take it personally when someone treats you like that. Understand that that person is having a bad day, like I'm sure everyone else has experienced at some point. But the next time you need to scream, save it for your pillow at home. Don't jump to conclusions so quickly. Think about how you would effect someone first.

Just yesterday I was writing about how good things are going. But isn't that how it always is? You take one step forward towards optimism and then relapse three steps back. Everything seems to be perfect for some odd moment, then its pulled out from under your feet in one swift second. There is always going to be some kind of force dragging you down. Not only does it have to be a person, but it can be your subconscious uncomfortable with the warm feeling of happiness. That happens much too often. People don't realize how good they have it, and for every good moment a person is blessed with, there's always a complaint to follow. Whether its a Myspace bulletin or something else.

Katie Conti taught me a very valuable lesson today. Confidence is key to everything you do in life. Have you ever noticed a person who seems to have everything in life? That person seems so perfect and everything is like it's handed to them on a platter. Well, guess what. They aren't perfect. Their hair is most likely not naturally that color and believe it or not, their life isn't a fairy tale either. They have problems too... but they don't go around complaining about how gay their mom is or how sad it is that they have nothing to wear. Things would run so much smoother if each person were to come to school with a smile on their face and think 'I am no better than anyone else. Nobody else is better than me'. Not one single person deserves to be put on a pedestal. Everyone should learn to accept their flaws, not tell the Myspace world about how fat they feel.

#1

Hmm. So, first blog post. I've been toying with the idea of having a blog for a while. I feel like everything that's written can be interpreted in so many ways. 'She says this to be cool', 'she talks like that to sound smart'. People are so shallow and are quick to make judgements, but dealing with that is inevitable. And the timing for deciding to start one is also inconvenient due to the overwhelming number of people who now have a blog in which they complain about how awful their life is. But I like the idea of being able to share my thoughts and talk about my day. Sometimes its nice to just be able to talk freely without having to worry about whether or not you're boring someone. So, anyway..

Today is Superbowl Sunday. Steelers won, which I'm happy about. I had a few people over, and aside from learning new bartending tricks, it was so nice to just hang out with friends. Even though we've changed and we're all starting to find our own place in the world, it's so refreshing to know you have friends. Because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing can change to the point where we don't all get along. Life is only so much of what you make it, and the rest is help shaped by the people whom you surround yourself with.

This weekend was great. Not only did I meet new people, but I also hung out with friends I hadn't seen in a while. I feel like I also got rid of so much negativity in my life which was weighing me down. And while some people who are reading this might know exactly what I'm referring to, the message is clear for everyone, including myself: people should start taking their own advice more often. Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship.

That's all for today. Thanks for reading. Sorry Cardinal fans, but I hope everyone has a great night.