Time

Time is priceless, yet it costs us nothing. You can do anything you want with it, but you can't own it. You can spend it, but you can't keep it. And once you've lost it, there's no getting it back. It's just... gone. And to live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.

It was like a hand pinching an arm numbed by injection. The arm doesn't register that it is being pinched by the hand, and the hand registers it is pinching the arm, and at first, the mind cannot tell the two of them apart. But a moment later it distinguishes them quite clearly. Perhaps the hand has pinched so hard that the flesh stays white for a while. Then the blood flows back and the spot regains color. But that does not bring back sensation.

"It"

Often in my life, I have done things I have consciously decided not to do. Something- whatever it may be- goes into action. "It" goes to the man I no longer want to be associated with, etc. I'm under the assumption that others are in my same position. "It" makes the remark to the boss which costs you your head; "it" keeps on smoking although you have decided to quit, and then quits smoking once you've accepted the fact that you're a smoker and always will be. I don't mean to say that thinking and reaching decisions have no influence on behavior. But behavior does not merely enact whatever has already been thought through and decided. It has its own sources, and is my behavior, quite independently, just as my thoughts are my thoughts, and my decisions my decisions.

resurrection

I have an internal alarm clock system and find it impossible to sleep past 9:00 a.m., so upon my late arrival home Friday night I took sleeping medicine. I ended up taking too much and slept till 3:00 in the afternoon on Saturday. That, in turn, created another late night. I was up till 4:00 in the morning watching various movies on Starz such as Parent Trap. To say the least, this was a rough morning but nevertheless I found myself at church to appease my mom this Easter Sunday. I haven't been in easily over a year. I sat in the pew beside my brother, twiddling my thumbs and watching the morning light find its way through the stain glass windows in streaks illuminating dust particles throughout the air. In an attempt to drain out the senior choir, I began browsing through the pamphlet. I came across a list of people who asked to be kept in the congregation's prayers.

There was a man who was electrocuted while building houses in Mexico. How's that for irony? Humor brings insight and tolerance. I find that irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. And then that got me to thinking about the whole concept of Easter and resurrection... In my opinion it's not the concept of life after death but instead life before death which is important and requires an equal amount of attention. I looked to my left and saw senior citizens slumped in their seat who looked like they deserved to be on a ventilator. Don't get me wrong, I find it remarkably admirable that these people have their faith to hold on to, but the thought that they force themselves out of their homes to make it to the church because they feel obligated to seems miserable. It becomes a question of whether or not these pietistic Christians spend their lives striving to achieve a glorious life after their death and while doing so set aside their own personal will or happiness. And considering everything beyond life is one huge question it seems imbecilic to have such a mentality. And this concept ventures far beyond the matter of faith. We need to start living. Living lives for ourselves. Not do what we feel obligated to do, not do what we think we should, but instead do what we think we can't. It's such a waste of our precious time and energy to please other people. So today I stopped doing just that and started thinking about what feels natural and what feels right to me and started making myself happy. It felt good. Only my opinion though.

contemplation

We have a lot of choices. Since getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and I'm not smiling on a regular basis, I'll try another one. The way you react to situations in life is at your personal discretion. It is your decision, and yours alone, to determine the importance you give to any situation. Vacillating people seldom succeed. After kinder garden, we have no simple options. Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

Be miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever you have to do, it's up to you. That's what life is. It's the sum of all your choices.

Better to be despised for too anxious reluctance, than be ruined by too confident a security. But I feel, however, my mind is not strong enough to bear the weight of its ignorance and risks questioning itself and being engulfed in doubt. We are like icebergs in the ocean: one-eighth part consciousness and the rest submerged beneath the surface of articulate apprehension. I have a secret held inside me. I want to let it out, it hurts so bad. But I don't know what it is.