here I go again

I always upset myself. I think way too much to begin with. I contemplate different situations in my head, over and over again until I believe they have occurred (or about to happen). I find myself (at this moment) wondering if I am ever thought about. Not by a specific person, just anyone really. I wonder if I am on anyone’s mind or if I am just known when they see me. We (at least I have) often feel small, insignificant even. We are ants working for something unknown and the magnifying glass is burning our chances to concur or mission. Maybe it is loneliness that makes me think? Loneliness smothers me. Every time I think of being forgotten my throat closes on me, making it impossible to even think about breathing. Maybe I am selfish? I don’t want to be in the limelight, I just want to feel like I belong. I don’t want to be this puzzle piece that is mixed in with the wrong puzzle for the rest of my life. Maybe it isn’t attention I crave, more like familiarity. I want something to fall back on. To know my ground is solid. I want tangible, palpable and every other word which describes the capability of being felt. I just want reality.