if only i could calm you, if only i could stop you
you who so often beats blood through my ungracious body
i will thank you now, only once, for you do not deserve
endless thanks when you have caused such hurt
a heartless organ, an irony and a paradox
a force that must be, should be, can and will be stopped


or maybe just a marionette, tied with strings
to a name of a face of a person that pulls them unknowingly
with just a glance a word a laugh and you are tugged
you are used, we are abused and so you beat with blood
and you beat with pain and painful emotion
tender heartstrings tied into nooses


now months into the clarity of hindsight, it remains that
i signed our death warrant day after day and so
where once i gave unwilling thanks, instead i must apologize
over and over and say sorry and sorry until finally i say to you
be still, my beating heart
be still