surprising

that I don't even really care that I don't have a phone
you know when your phone dies, and you don't have to deal with it, and it's kinda nice?
it's like that... but not, cause it's missing
that's my fault though
what I get I guess for wildin out,
trying to de-stress and whatnot
I guess that's what I got in losing it,
a huge relief of stress:
constantly lurking
constantly anticipating, no more
but I'm curious...
if I like not having a phone because I don't waste time on stupid shit
but more importantly
because anyone who actually gives a shit about me
will find a way to get a hold of me,
and I don't have to deal with people who don't actually give two fucks
(been dealing with too many of these people recently)
(why yes, I am realizing the numbers of such mentioned efforts are staggeringly low)
but I wonder,
if enjoying this signifies maturity,
detachment, and independence?
or does it really just exemplify
how depressed I actually am?
either way,
not knowing, being numb
is very nice


I'll just pretend I'm having imaginary conversations with people who read my blog (as if they exist). hello, friend. thank you for noticing me, and listening to my bullshit ramblings