Fun House Images

The timeline gets warped and I can’t find the opening – any opening – to get back in. I search frantically, trying every doorknob but they're not really doors they're just mirrors reflecting a fun house image back at me, big nose and wild eyes and electrified hair and I can't find the actual door. Life goes on around me but I don't get it, can't figure out how to plug back in and live, whatever that even means. I see them, everyday people, just walking on the street, or going to class, or smoking cigarettes in front of marble buildings built to outlast humans and I can't imagine. I just don't know how they do it. How do they get out of bed? And eat and dress and laugh and go out in the world, and how do they do it so effortlessly, so joyously? I envy them and pity them all the same. Sometimes I yearn.. oh how I yearn.. to join them, to fall in line and be one with the happy, sunny world all around – to be normal, so bone-crushingly normal it hurts my insides... and all these years later, still forever with my nose against the glass, an empty vessel waiting to be filled, a hollow head floating toward the ceiling like a sad balloon, wanting to fly free over the trees, nothing left to see except a red dot disappearing on the horizon.